Death lives around me and it is in me
by katie131925
Summary: One week ago my mother died, today I buried her, in one month I will find out that I am dying and in two I will find my soul mate. "Welcome to my life," - Simple Plan
1. Prologue

_I dedicate this story to Val (vaaaal) who inspired me to write this, was an amazing, courageous person/writer and showed us that you can do anything no matter your situation or who you are._

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**I don't own anything but my OC's and plot.**

I wore all black. Black leggings, black tee shirt dress, long sleeve black shirt underneath, black tied up combat boots, and a black tie up clip in my long black wavy hair so it was in a side bun.

The service was outside where it started raining and where I refused a black umbrella. I was drenched the time it was finished yet inside I felt dried up like a raisin, no longer a grape.

When I got home I took a long hot shower and changed into black sweat pants and a long sleeve, black and dark blue shirt. I went to sleep after lying in bed for several hours doing nothing.

One week ago my mother died, today I buried her, and in one month I will find out that I am dying.

"Welcome to my life," - Simple Plan

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**Authors Note:**** An imprint story that I want to write and hope to finish.**


	2. Chapter 1

**I don't own anything but my plot and OC's.**

Chapter 1

I was looking for a pair of scissors to cut off the tag in my shirt that has always bugged me when it happened. I reached out for the drawer when my vision became fuzzy with black dots dancing around. I became dizzy and light headed right before I fell.

I woke up laying on the ice cold white and blue tiled kitchen floor with a massive headache. It was only slightly larger than my regular ones but instead of leaving it stayed. I also noticed the sun streaming in through parted curtains above the sink. I turned my head and searched until my eyes landed on the microwave time. It read, '3:00pm'. I came into the kitchen at 5:00am which means I was laying there for ten hours.

Ten hours.

.

I went to the hospital soon after and it was only after many tests and a long restless night did I find out why I passed out.

Inoperable brain tumor.

Inoperable as in not able to operate and get rid of it. Dangerous and life threatening, yes. The doctor said a lot of words I didn't understand but a few I did such as the symptoms being, sleepy, random sleep patterns, loss of aptitude, vomiting, mood swings and headaches. All the symptoms I do have except for vomiting that I only thought were because of my mom's - when she - well you know. She also said there is no treatment and that I have six months to a year before it expands large enough to kill me.

"Go out and enjoy life. Be with your family." were her words but little did she know that I have none of that. My adoptive mother died when I was eight, my adoptive father when I was sixteen and now my birth mother who I only met three, almost four years ago who has no family. My birth father I don't know.

The only other person I know is Carly, my closest friend who I haven't talked to in over three months. She left half a year ago, back home in Washington to her small reservation when her father decided to marry. She met someone there and stayed. His name is Seth.

.

I sold mostly everything with only my small black car, some clothing, and a few possessions before hitting the road and getting the hell out of dodge.

.

If I had to describe Carly Ross I would say that she is a fun, spirited, free soul because she is. She's an artist, a very creative one and the things he can do with a brush are beyond amazing.

She's taller than me by two inches, making her five foot six and I five foot four. She has brown russet skin, dark brown curly hair, and long legs that a model would kill for. She is very beautiful inside and out with a kind of loyalty that is very rare.

I love her like my sister, a younger one mind you and I never let her forget it. She's seventeen right now as I am nineteen with my birthday in three weeks and hers in two. Our birthdays are one week apart exactly.

I can't really give a reason to why we stopped talking other than that we drifted apart. I didn't bother calling before I left because I love surprises and she doesn't. So this was the perfect opportunity to get her back for setting me up with Rob Right a few years back and let me tell you that it was horrible. Surprising her might not measure up to what happened there but right now it is good enough and I hate it when we aren't even.

So here I go, driving off in hopes that she is still there and that I can spend my last months with mischief and fun.

I guess I'll see you sooner than I thought mom, dad, and Gina...

.

Denial-

Maybe the doctor made a mistake? That's what I kept telling myself for a week even though I knew that wasn't true and I really was going to die.

Anger-

The next three weeks of my little road trip were spent going through bars, getting drunk, and then getting into fights making it take three weeks instead of the actual four or five days.

I was angry, at my parents, at the gods, at myself, and everyone. I fought and I got hurt. It was only when I found myself laying in the damp grass one morning with a fractured rib, a concussion, and two broken fingers did I realise how stupid I was being and stopped. My anger diminished.

Bargaining-

The next two weeks were a little detour as I went to many different hospitals looking for a cure. I would offer money to every doctor and everyone would say no, it isn't possible. My breaking point was when one finally snapped at my begging and yelled. I shut up and left without a backwards glance.

Depression-

I got back on track but I was more like a zombie then anything. I barley ate and sleep came often for very long periods at a time, delaying yet again making it two weeks instead of five days.

Acceptance-

I woke up pretty early one morning to find that the sun was just rising. I walked outside of my motel room and sat down, facing the newly risen sun. As I watches it rise, I too felt myself rise into a new person and I felt alive, really alive.

I smiled and then relived how hungry I was because I am alive now and that's what matters. I will die and there's nothing that can stop it but I am okay, I am okay.

.

.

.

I reached across the passenger seat into the glove department and searched through the many papers until I found what I was looking for. I pulled out it out and closed the compartment. It was slightly dusty and a little bet but I still could read the writing which is what I needed. Carly's address was printed in her neat small writing in the top left corner. Once memorised I set it down and pulled out of the gas station, heading away from the small town Forks towards the small reservation La Push.

.

The sun was just setting when I pulled up to the small two story rickety brown house. I got out of my car and made my way up the stone path that was slowly edging away and soon to be non-existent. Once at the door I knocked softly on the worn wood door which was apparently enough because no sooner did the door fly open so fast that some wood probably fell of as well.

Standing in front me with curly brown hair flying in every direction, paint in splotches all over, and eyes wide open was Carly. Her eyes moved frantically from side to side until landing on me and staying there as she probably wondered I'd it really is I.

"Serena." she whispered.

"Hey Carly. Surprise." I answered back as she ran up, pulling me tightly into a bone crushing hug which I returned back greatly. I really did miss her and I am do glad that I came. Our moment of reunion was short lived for we only hugged for ten seconds when a deep low growl was sounded behind her. I looked up to see a tall, tall man standing there looking slightly alarmed with his eyes full of concern.

Carly took a step back and only then did I notice that she was crying. It is for happiness of course, she was always a softie and could never hurt anything. I suppose that's why she is a vegan and why she made me become a vegetarian, again another long story.

"It's okay Seth." she says to the man as she tugs on his arm. "This is Serena."

Recognition crosses his features and his face of concern turns into a smile as Carly introduces us.

"I hope you don't mind but some of the guys are here." She tells me as we walk towards the living room. "So what brings you here so suddenly?"

I am about to tell her when we walk into the living room but a voice from one of the 'guys' or more like giants stops me.

"Hey Carly, got any more food?" says the surprisingly relaxing voice that immediately puts me at ease.

"You ate it all Paul." Comes Carly's stern voice. "Now guys I would like you to meet my best friend Serena."

The three large buff men turn look up at me including Seth away from their video games as Carly tells me there names, "Embry, Quill, and Paul," who looks a little dazed as his brown eyes land on me. As I look back I feel a pull towards him like we have some sir of connection, a deep one.

I look away to notice how the other guys are smiling and some laughing. I look up to Carly, lost as she looks back with a huge grin breaking out on her face. I look back to the Paul guy who now is starting to shake violently. The other guys drag him out of the house without a second glance back.

"Well I think you should come over for dinner at my friend's house." Says Carly like nothing happened.

I look at her with confusion and curiousness as I say, "What the hell just happened?"


	3. Chapter 2

**Authors Note:**** Thanks to, JCreader, Loyaldeer, and reader5sam for your reviews. I love hearing feedback and I will answer your questions in the chapters to come.**

**Enjoy :)**

**I don't own anything but my plot and OC's.**

Chapter 2

I tried telling Carly, I really did but every time I tried to get a word in she would start to ramble on about her life and that's when I knew she was hiding something. I've known her for so long now that I know when she is hiding something and right now, is one of those times. She always does this, rambles when she's nervous, hiding something, scared someone might ask the wrong questions or all of the above. I didn't like it one bit.

So there she was rambling away as I followed her away from her house, towards her minivan and off to her friend's house for dinner. I didn't really know why we were going over there for dinner but I wasn't going to complain. After being deprived of a home cooked meal for almost two months you can't really say anything against getting one even if you're with your best friend, your sister (Little sister) and she is hiding something.

It didn't take long to get there but I guess that is expected when you're living in a really small town or I guess reservation which I wasn't too overly accustomed to. I grew up in a town that was in the middle, not too large and not too small; in-between. I was content with that no matter how screwed up my life became or how much death plagued my family and me.

We pulled up to a small, medium but homey house and only then did Carly stop talking as she parked up the gravely makeshift driveway. We got out of her "baby blue lightning" (don't ask) and made our way up to the front door. I'm sure she told me these friends' names and everything about them as she rambled but I will be damned if I remember let alone if I was even listening. Anyways I will meet them soon enough.

Instead of ringing a door bell even though there wasn't one or even knocking she just opened the door and waltzed in like she owned the place, taking me back by surprise. I stood there staring after her retreating frame a little struck dumb by her lack of manners which she always praised herself on having, while I on the other hand apparently had none (you can thank my adoptive father for that one, love you dad).

After standing there for a few minutes I followed her inside and found myself in a kitchen with a bunch of half-naked men and few other women/girls. Some of them were the ones I met earlier at Carly's along with Paul, the very shaky one. Now I am sure this is almost every girl's dream, to be surrounded by tall muscular men but not me. I actually feel a little repulsed by them right now and seriously miss her, Kate right at this moment which hasn't happened in a while. Just thinking her name sends a pang to my heart that I can't shake.

"Hi, you must be Carly's friend, Serena." Came a lovely motherly voice belonging to a very beautiful woman as she walks over to me. I find myself staring at her taking all her beauty in and yes I might just be checking her out right now but seriously she is stunning with long black hair, strong frame, and beautiful eyes. I notice three scars, claw marks on the side of her face but it matters little to me and I can only see her beauty for what it really is, inside and out.

Her face tenses up as she notices me staring and gets a sad faraway look as I notice the others tensing up as well along with a low growl? My breath sucks in for several seconds before I say, "So beautiful. Are you taken?"

I am blunt but I always have been and now is no exception as her face his filled with a light blush. "Yes, I am engaged." She answers as a tall, buff man walks over and puts his arm around her as he gives her a loving smile.

"I'm Emily by the way and this is my fiancée Sam."

I shake his hand to find it burning scarlet against my cold ones but I don't say anything and continue on as the other guys and girls are introduced. I now know them to be Jacob, Jared, Colin, Brady, Leah (who is Seth's sister AKA Beauty), another guy who isn't tan or muscular; Lucas, Micha (AKA Lucas's sister) and the others I met earlier along with Paul who keeps staring at me weirdly which is starting to make me uncomfortable.

I feel out of place and lonely even though my best friend is sitting right across from me and not across the country. I miss her, how close we were and how close I thought we still were. I have to tell her all that's happened but I'm feeling more and more left out. Everyone around me talks and talks, going on about how great everything is, about how great life is. I am jealous by the way they can speak as freely about as I just sit here and watch, knowing that death is all that waits me. I'm sick of all this life, I need someone, I need Carly and I need my sister.

Everyone is passing around the food when I stand up so suddenly and quietly that everyone stops what they're doing. Conversation stops flowing and movements cease as my eyes frantically search Carly's and they lock onto each other, my grey ones and her light brown ones. We know each other so well that I know that she know that nothing is as it should be, as it ought to be.

No words are spoken as she silently gets up and heads out the door with me following. The others say nor do anything as we leave their warm welcoming presence and sarcoma to the cold winds outside. We stand across from each other, a small ways from the house, just beside the woods and stare at each other. Her eyes full of concern and worry as mine, I'm sure are full of sadness and hopelessness. Carly doesn't say anything and only stands, waiting until I am ready to start. After several moments I am ready.

"She died Carly." I say looking down then up again into her eyes as I bite down on my lip willing myself not to cry. "Gina. The illness came to advance and her liver just couldn't take it anymore. We were so close Carly, she was next on the donor list and then she just, she, her liver just couldn't take it anymore. That was only after I found the empty bottles of liquor hidden under her mattress and I thought, what the hell? She deserves the bitter sweet alcohol, I mean she's dying and what's a few more drinks? Well I guess it meant everything because that's what finally took her out in the end and that's what prevented her from getting that liver, only seventy two hours away."

"Serena." She whispers softly as I see her eyes well up in tears.

"I'm not done." I say to stop her from walking over and giving me a tight hug which is what I do really need right now even if I won't admit it. If anyone asks I hate hugs but only Carly knows I love them. "A little over a month ago I passed out for nearly ten hours, so I went to the hospital and guess what? I'm going to die. I, Serena, am going to die."

Tears poured from my eyes as did some from hers and instead of waiting for her to hug me, I went up and pulled her into a tight embrace. She was always a pretty crier, nice and softly while I, loud and annoying which is part of the reason why I barley cried but right now it didn't matter. It only mattered that it was Carly and I back together again which sounds like a relationship which it kind of is but at the same time not really. Rarely anyone got our crazy unbelievable friendship but that didn't matter, to either of us.

After our little crying frenzy we got back into her mini-van and left, only after she texted Seth that they had to leave along with that we were fine even though we really weren't. I made her promise not to tell anyone because I really don't know them and even so I wasn't ready to just tell anyone. So both of us made our way back to her house where no one was home according to Carly because her dad and stepmom were on a trip so we had the house to ourselves.

We decided to have our annual sleepover, cheesy high school movie and junk food night which we always have after receiving bad news, were sad/depressed, or we haven't seen each other in forever which this night covered all three and then some. We laid out various blankets and pillows in the living room in front of the TV with the cheesiest high school movies Carly owned, ordered vegetarian pizza, I got the junk food, she got the soda, and we were set. After about four movies I fell asleep first which usually happens and had a horrible nightmare which I don't remember.

I woke up feeling warm as my eyes lazily opened to face at the warmth of the sun which apparently is a rare thing in La Push according to Carly. I smiled a little but it was soon gone and replaced with a panicked face I can only guess as my stomach started flip-flopping. I got up quickly and made a run to the toilet as I noticed someone else in the house which I ignored, more focused on my nausea.

Once there, I lifted the lid and began to puke my guts out as a cold sweat broke out in my body so that I felt icy cold. My black wavy hair was soon lifted from my head and pulled back as I emptied my stomach contents of various junk foods. After about ten minutes of heaving I leaned back and my hair was let go of. I watched as a muscular tan arm reached out and flushed the vomit. I turned to see that it was Paul.

"Where's Carly?" I ask.

"School." He answers as his eye brows furrow in concern. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I think. I've stopped vomiting anyway."

"No, that's not what I meant. You're crying."

My hands reach up to my face touching water or salty tears and then it all comes back to me, the night mare. I watched helplessly as my whole family was killed, by a dark creature who eventually killed me but that wasn't the worst part. The worst part was that I could have got up and saved them but I didn't.

I didn't even realize what happened until I felt strong arms wrap themselves around me and pull me into their embrace. I leaned back into it, realizing it to be Paul as I felt safe and strong, as I cried for everything and everyone.


	4. Chapter 3

**Authors Note:**** Thanks to, JCreader, Loyaldeer, and SweetyKinz for your reviews. I love hearing feedback and I will answer your questions in the chapters to come.**

**Also I don't know much about taxes so sorry if any information is wrong.**

**Enjoy :)**

**I don't own anything but my plot and OC's.**

Chapter 3

After I stopped crying, I struggled out of Paul's embrace and told him to leave the bathroom because I was going to take a shower. I swear as I saw him leave that his eyes were full of sadness at the mention of leaving me even though I was just in the next room. I guess he was hoping to see me in the shower or something because that's really the only other explanation I can give. Now I will be sure to be careful around him if my explanation is true.

I had a quick shower, changed into a pair of black yoga pants, and a large plain white tee shirt from my bag which was in the bathroom. What? You think I would actually take the chance of running into the bedroom while holding up a small towel in hopes that no unwanted eyes will see? Especially with the fact that Carly says some of the boys might stop by. This isn't some Korean drama.

Once I was done, I walked into Carly's small kitchen to find a frantic Paul opening and closing cupboards, the fridge and drawers. It was amusing to say the least as I sat down at the small four chaired table and noticed the pile of tax books. There was a sticky note on top that read,_ 'Hey, Serena I was wondering if you could, maybe, possibly do my taxes like old times? Huh? Pretty please? Have fun with not having to go to school. Love ya :)' _I smiled softly as I finished reading knowing all too well about taxes. You see, I'm not trying to brag or anything but numbers come naturally to me, they always have, and I'm sure they always will. I was a genius in math and yet there was still so much more I wanted to learn after graduating but Gina got sick and she needed me. I always did Carly's taxes and she would always repay me with Maynard's, we had a very good business relationship along with friendship.

I put it down and looked up at where Paul was still opening and closing drawers and said, "Looking for something?"

My voice seemed to startle him as he jumped then turned around looking at me and saying, "I was going to make you breakfast."

"You don't have to and besides, I'm not hungry."

"But you have to eat."

"No, not really. Besides, I'm not hungry." I said again and I wasn't lying about it, I really am not hungry which I know probably has to do with the brain tumor as the doctor said it was a symptom. I've noticed a lot of things that have changed even before I found out about the brain tumor. Can you believe that I used to weigh 145 pounds? Well I did and now I weigh 134. Every girls dream right? Well not mine. I am perfectly happy being a little over weight and not dying, besides, I liked my weight and nothing was wrong with it to me or to anyone that I considered a friend. Now, I will keep getting skinnier and skinnier until I will cease to exist.

"Serena?" Said Paul urgently as I met his worried eyes.

"Yeah?"

"You were kind of out of it. Are you okay?"

"No, but, when are we ever." I answer truthfully which make his eyes go wide with even more concern. "Are you going to leave to so I can do these taxes in quiet or am I not going to be able to?"

He looked hurt by me practically telling him to get out but that wasn't exactly what I was trying to do. What I really wanted was quiet, not only for the taxes but also for the headache that was starting to form.

"If you want me to." He answered with his head bowed low a little before his head shot up with a look of a brilliant idea that was actually in reality probably the worst idea ever, not the best.

"Will you – I mean, would you like to go out with me?"

His grin turned into a sly one and his obvious flirtatious face just happened to appear which read something along the lines of, I'm top shit and you will say yes to me because no one can resist this. Yep. He most defiantly is a player and I somehow caught his attention, great. What kind of friends is Carly making now?

"No." I answered bluntly. "And don't ask again, please because I will say no, again and again."

His eyes were enough to hit me hard with the full force of my own words as they looked up at me with such dejection and sadness that I wanted to say it was a mistake, apologize, and say yes until I remembered my reasoning. I wasn't attracted to Paul, in anyway but I couldn't deny the connection I felt, even if he might not. So I got up off my chair and hugged his large frame which was very warm. His body stiffened but soon relaxed or more like melted into my frame.

"These hugs aren't always going to happen, you know? I hate hugs." I said seriously even though I was lying. "I won't ever date you Paul and it's not because of some selfish reason, it's just the plain fact that I am not attracted to you or any other guy for that matter. I'm a lesbian, but I can't deny the connection I feel with you even though this is only the third time I've seen you. So let's just be friends, okay?"

I took a step back, out of his embrace and looked into his eyes to see so much deep emotion there until he let out a hoarse whisper reply.

"Sure."

He took a step back from me, then another, and another, until he was out of Carly's house and away from me. Me? Why did I just think, me? Am I going straight for Paul? No. It's the connection, that's all. Even so, as I stood there and him not with his warmth gone as well, I longed to be near he and that isn't good. Because in less than ten months, maybe more, I am going to die and all that I would leave, is pain.


	5. Chapter 4

**Authors Note:**** Thank you for your reviews,** **JCreader and** **Loyaldeer, I really appreciate hearing feedback and if you like this story along with if there's anything I need to work on or change.**

**Enjoy :)**

**I don't own anything but my plot and OC's.**

Chapter 4

Doing taxes and working with numbers is something that I have missed greatly for the past almost two years. It came as natural to me as breathing and I loved every second of it. So it shouldn't have surprised me when a hand on my shoulder, that I didn't even notice squeezed it and made me jump. I looked up to see Carly's smiling face with a bit of green paint on her forehead that made me smile in turn.

"Did you finish?" She asked.

"Yeah." I answered. "I was just going through and checking again."

"I don't know why you bother." She said as she moved from standing next to me and over by the sink where clean dishes were laid out to dry. "You're work is always right and I would bet my life on it."

"You shouldn't say that, even I make mistakes."

I closed all the books, put the papers into order and placed it all in a neat pile before saying, "Listen Carly, I just want to say thanks. I know neither of us ever say that because well, you know, but just, thank you, for everything."

She stopped putting the dishes away and I watched as she took a deep breath before turning around with a smile. Carly walked over to the chair beside me where her black book bag laid, opened it, and pulled out a large pack of Fuzzy Peaches. I felt a smile appear on my own face as she put set them down in front of me and said, "For the taxes." I was just about to rip the bag open when she sent me a look and asked, "When have you last eaten anything? I didn't mention in before, but you've lost weight. Is it – Is it the"-

"Yeah it is, I think." I interrupted so she didn't have to say it.

"Alright, but you still have to eat, so let's go to Emily's. She always has food ready for the guys and Leah."

I agreed with her for a couple of reasons, one was the fact that I knew she was right when she said I still have to eat, another was that I wanted to apologize to Emily for leaving so soon, and lastly, I want to see Paul. I don't why I do, I feel complete with him and it seems whenever he is away, I miss him. This is so strange to me and I end up confused and with a headache whenever I think too much about it. I know I shouldn't put anymore strain on myself but it's hard not to.

We drove over to Emily's and when we got there, I smelled cookies, homemade cookies which are always the best. When we got into the kitchen/dining room a few of the large guys were there without their shirts, surprise, and surprise but none were Paul which made me disappointed. I brushed it off though and walked into the kitchen doorway to find Emily taking out cookies.

"Hey Emily." I said.

She turned around with a smile and said, "Hi Serena, how is it going?"

"The same and more but I just wanted to say sorry, about running off earlier, it's just that"-

"It's alright. Carly told us."

My heart dropped and I felt full of ice as the full force of her words hit me. Carly told them? When I said not to?

"I'm sorry about your mother."

"What?" I asked confused and unsure if I heard that right.

"I'm sorry about your mother's passing." She repeated.

I felt relieved when she said that and almost started dancing for joy but instead I said, "Thanks" before leaving the kitchen part and heading back to the dining room area. I sat down in one of the empty chairs and put my bag of candy on the table. I saw one of the guys, Brady I think, eyeing it but I quickly stopped that train of thought when I said very seriously, "Touch it and die."

He blinked a few times and looked at me, like he was waiting to see if I was joking but I am completely serious. He saw that and backed off as a few more guys walked in, loud as ever. They took seats around the table as Seth went to Carly and I searched the faces for Paul's. I found him and our eyes met. He walked over and sat down beside me. I was about to say something when I became light headed.

"Hey, Emily, can I use your bathroom?" I asked her as she walked in with a tray of cookie.

"Of course. It's down the hall, second right but you'll miss the cookies." She answered.

I nodded my head quickly as I got up and practically ran to the bathroom. I stepped inside, locking the door behind me and slid to the floor as dizziness washed over me. It overwhelmed every sense I had and it took all I had to not let it take over. I didn't want to fall unconscious and have to explain to them why and I really didn't want to explain it to Paul. Some part of me knows that he wouldn't take this news well, besides, he doesn't have to know and I don't want him to.

As soon as it subsided I pulled myself off of the bathroom tiled floor and walked in front of the sink where a mirror lay overhead. What I saw didn't look like me, it was a pale, unhealthy, small woman who looked anything but strong and only weak. I looked back at my grey eyes and that's when I saw myself, I saw the strength in me that I've always had and will continue to have because I am the reason I am still standing. All that has happened to me, I have gotten through it with the strength that I have and I will continue to do so, even if lately it feels like it's slipping from my grasp.

I splash cold water on to my face and pat it dry with the blue towel hanging beside me before heading out of the bathroom and back to everyone. Some merely nod when I walk back into the dining area and others don't even notice that I left or that I arrived, I'm not sure. It doesn't bother me as I sit back in my spot and look for my Fuzzy Peaches but I can't find them. They're gone.

My head snaps up and I look all around at the many faces until my eyes land on Paul who is happily eating the last of my precious candy. I get up slowly then make my way over to him in the same speed and wait. He looks up once I stop and a big goofy grin makes its way onto his face. I'm not sure why blind fury suddenly overcame me and grabbed a hold on me but what I do know is it won't let go. All I could see was red.

"That's my candy you scarfed down." I said calmly even though I started shaking a little in rage.

He looked up with little regret and said, "Sorry, I didn't know. So do you want to"-

"That was hard earned and all you have to say is sorry."

"But I am sorry and you can always buy another."

"I got that, I earned that and you thought it was right to JUST TAKE WHAT ISN'T YOURS!" I yelled loudly, catching everyone's attention.

Paul looked scared and even sorrier which was what I wanted before but now, but now I don't even know. "If I would have known it was yours I wouldn't have"-

"What? Taken it? What does that prove? It proves nothing."

"It does. It means that you're important to me."

"So? You should steal from anyone! If you don't know whose it is, then you leave it or try to figure it out but you did none of that!" I say.

He looks hurt and shocked as he stares at me, open mouthed like a fish. I bite the inside of my cheek, a habit I obtained when I feel too filled up with emotion to say or do anything. I looked away from Paul and then walked away as well, outside then into my car. Carly would find a ride home while all I had was this car which for now was good enough for me but even as I drove home, Paul's hurt expression would never leave my mind and neither would his presence.

So when I got to Carly's I used her phone by her couch and called the doctor I saw only two months ago which now feels like forever? It rang a few times before she picked up.

"Hello, Dr. Larvine speaking, how may I help you?" She asked on the other end.

"Hey, doctor, it's Serena, the one with the brain tumor." I say to her.

"Yes, Serena. How are you doing?"

"Alright but something happened, a while ago and I was wondering if it was because of the tumor."

"Okay, what happened?" She asked.

"I got really angry and all I could see was red. In all my life I've never felt so much rage but it didn't last long, maybe five minutes." I answered.

I heard her suck in her breath before saying, "I'm so sorry Serena, I thought you had more time but I guess I was wrong and I'm sorry."

"Stop saying sorry and just tell me."

I was starting to panic.

"Violent mood swings are a key symptom in your type of tumor which tells a lot, it tells us that you have only three to four months left before the tumor expands enough to kill you. I'm so, sor"-

I cut her off by hanging up the phone as tears spilled from my eyes, sobs racked my body, and I began to feel tired. It all came crashing down on me like a huge wave as the information began to make some sense in my brain. I am going to die. I knew that all ready but now it's so close and so real. I feel like I'm slipping off a cliff as a wave tries to drag me under and I am so close to letting it, because I know there's no use fighting. In the end I'm going to die, so what if it's right now, tomorrow, or even in a few months. The end result is all the same and my strength is slipping, it's leaving me.

"Serena." Said a hoarse whisper from somewhere in front of me, behind the wall of hair blocking me view. I pushed it back to see Paul standing in front of me with a plastic bag in his left hand as it slips from his grasp and falls to the ground. He runs over and pulls me into his arms and I let him because I have no strength left.

Oh.

The realization is exactly like another wave except it's stronger and instead of pushing me into the deep, dark ocean where rocks lay at the bottom, it pushes me up and back onto the soft ground of the cliff because I no longer hang over. Now I sit on the edge and wait but I'm not alone any more, because Paul sits right next to me.

I'm not alone… And I still have strength, no matter how far buried it is because I know now that Paul will always help me find it.


	6. Chapter 5

**I don't own anything but my plot and OC's.**

Chapter 5

When I awoke the next morning, full of heat and warmth, scarcely able to breath, I panicked and as quick as I could through off the large arms around me, away from the large body. I stood up gasping for breath with eyes frantic I'm sure as I looked around the room until I looked at Paul's sleeping form. He didn't move for several seconds but eventually sat up just as quickly as I if not more and looked around and locked eyes with me.

"What are you still doing here?" I ask not knowing what else to say.

"You fell asleep in my arms and I didn't want to move you, you looked so peaceful. Are you okay?" He asked the last question with a face full of concern and even though he didn't say it, I knew what he was talking about.

"Yeah, I got some bad news but I'm okay now."

He didn't look convinced but seemed to give it up and an awkward silence filled the air until I said, "You should leave now."

He looked sad at the mention of leaving but said anyways, "Okay but I have something for you."

He brightened up as he said he had something for me and turned around, fetching up the plastic bag off the floor and handing it to me. It was heavy but not too heavy, that much I could tell as I held it in my hands and opened it up. Candy. Fuzzy Peaches to be exact were inside and just one large package but, one, two three… TEN. Ten in total. I felt a grin stretch across my face as I looked up at him and in turn a smile lighted his up. I felt so happy and light, like I was floating in the air and I never wanted to let go of it, I never wanted to let go of Paul. What am thinking? What's happening to me? I can't like him.

"I'm sorry about eating you're candy, you're right it was wrong and I hope this makes up for it." He says.

"It does, and thank you." I say quickly, my mouth no longer in a smile yet the feeling remains, but it can't, how could it?

Before anymore words are exchanged I walked past him, down the hall, and into the bathroom where luckily by bag still stays. I take a quick shower and pull on some black skinny jeans, a white Hanson shirt, and some long white socks. I head back out to the living room and kitchen which are connected and stop dead in my tracks as I notice Paul still here, sitting in a chair in the kitchen. He stands up as I walk in and smiles.

"What are you still doing here?" I ask.

"I was hoping you would want to get some food at the diner with me. As friends of course." He quickly adds.

A raise an eyebrow at that and almost say no when Carly pops up in my mind. I should eat or at the very least so Carly doesn't worry but I can eat here, I don't have to go with him. Even as I think these things I know that I won't say no because I don't want Paul to leave, I don't want him to leave me.

No. Serena, you can't think these things, Paul is a friend and nothing more, so stop. And that's what I do, I stop thinking of those things and I ignore my feelings, grant you, it's hard but I've had practice. So I went with him and we got food, and I smiled, a lot. After, we went to the beach and even though it was too cold out we still sat on the beach and watched the water in complete silence. It was peaceful and I could have stayed like that forever but I didn't because I can't. Life goes on but death does not.

There are so many things to think about and consider but I've decided to ignore them, and just live. As much as I love Carly and her company, I want to spend every last second I have of life with Paul. No matter all the details there are, I just want to live, with him beside me, forever. I sometimes thought there was a forever when I was really young but I realized that there isn't for everyone and now I realize there even isn't one for me. Being with Paul, it feels like there could be, that there is, and that I am not alone in the path with life or death. But this is a dream that will last only three months, maybe four and then I will wake up, we all will and I will be taking the path of death, life will leave me, only death remain.

I will do my best to forget and to live.

"So, why exactly did you come here to see Carly?" Asked Paul after the waitress took our orders.

"My, my birth mother, Gina, died and I just needed to get away, besides I haven't seen Carly in a long time." I answer almost truthfully.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know. What about your father?"

"Which one?"

"What do you mean?" He asks confused.

"I have two, my birth father and my dad." Was my reply.

"I guess, both."

I took a sip of the ice filled water in front of me and said, "Never met my birth father and I don't like talking about him. My dad raised me alone after my adoptive mother passed until I was sixteen when he died. That's where Gina came in. She took me in so I didn't have to go to foster care and we had a semi decent relationship."

"Wow." Was his only answer.

"What about you? What about your family?"

He tensed up but answered, "My parents divorced, my mother moved away and I live with my father."

"Oh." I say before changing the topic since he seems upset. "What kind of music do you listen to? What kind?"

He visibly relaxes and smiles as he says, "Rap and hip hop."

"That music is really bad."

"What? No it isn't."

"Yes it is." I argue back.

"No it isn't."

"Yes it is."

"No it isn't."

"Yes, it is, very bad."

"Well what would you recommend then?" He asks a little obnoxiously.

"90's, by far, the best era in music." I answer back just as obnoxiously.

"You can't compare Rap and"-

"Here is your food." interrupts the waitress as she puts down all the food Paul ordered, which is three burgers and threes fries then my food which is a small cheese pizza. It's looking pretty small compared to Paul's food but in my eyes it is a lot. The last time I ate was about two days ago and yet the sight of food makes me want to throw up but I force it down, thinking about Carly and not just me.

Once we are done eating and Paul Paid we decide to go to the beach for a while which is something I actually want to do. It was afternoon I realized as we drove to first beach and Carly would be done school in less than an hour but I'm sure Seth will be there to keep her company.

No else is around on the beach, probably because its chilly out but I have my jacket and Paul, well, he's always warm. We sat down in the middle of the beach or very close and yet it was silent. Neither of us tried to start a conversation, me because I liked the silence and peacefulness in the air, but Paul I was not sure and yet it was serenity.

We stayed for a few hours, until the sun was fading away from the clear, colorful sky and away from us. We were going to leave soon but there is something I have to say, so I reach out and grab Paul's burning hand in mine and turn to him. I don't say anything but it's like no words have to be spoken because we just know what the other is thinking and what I am thinking is that I want to spend every moment I can with Paul until the very end.

He squeezed my hand and I knew he knew in some way what I was trying to say, even though I couldn't say it.


	7. Chapter 6

**Author's Note:**** All of you deserve an ending, it's a little rushed, unedited and maybe not what you hoped for, but it's an ending; so, enjoy :)**

**I don't own anything but my plot and OC's.**

Chapter 6

I was sitting beside Paul around the very large dining room table at Emily's where everyone else sat as well, including Carly. This became more of a tradition then anything, every Sunday we would gather and eat dinner. It felt like one large family and I was okay with it, I was okay with a lot of things lately, as long as Paul was there with me.

We chatted, all of us together throughout dinner and until afterwards when Paul asked me, "Can we take a walk? There's something I want to tell you."

I smiled and nodded even though everyone stopped talking and tension became thick. I don't know what was with everyone's strange behaviour, we were just going for a walk, weren't we? I got up out of my chair and followed him out of Sam and Emily's, until we were in the same spot as Carly and I, not three weeks ago.

I looked up at him as he looked down at me and that's when I noticed how nervous he seemed. He took my hands in his burning hot ones and that's when I became a little nervous and scared, and even more so confused.

"Are you alright Paul?" I asked concerned.

He didn't answer my question and only asked his own, "Do you remember the old tribe stories that Billy Black told at the bonfire last night?"

"Yeah…"

"Well there not stories. I can turn into a wolf and so can the other guys plus Leah and minus Lucas."

I stared into his deep brown eyes looking for any hint of deception but found none so I said, "Prove it."

He backed away from me, his warm hands leaving mine and was hidden behind the trees and bush. I had to wait only a few minutes before a large, horse sized grey/silver wolf appeared, walking slowly towards me. I subconsciously took a step back and the wolf stopped walking forward as I felt fear creep into me.

"Alright, I believe you just, could you stop?"

I was feeling scared and threatened, I just wanted to run away but I knew I couldn't, I couldn't do that to Paul so I waited. The wolf or Paul walked back into the bush and he re-merged in his human form. He walked closer to me but I mirrored the gesture and took a step back.

"Why did you tell me? Why did I need to know this?" I ask as nervousness floods into me, mixed with fear and uncertainty.

"There's this thing called imprinting, it's where a wolf find their soul mate and with one look they know. They'll be whatever they need, do whatever they want, a friend, a protector, or a lover. Seth imprinted on Carly, Quill on Claire, Leah on Lucas, Embry on Micha, Jacob on Nessie, Sam on Emily, and now me on you. I imprinted on you, and I can never live without you. You're my soul mate." He answered.

It felt like I couldn't breath as those words bounced around and around in my head, 'I imprinted on you, and I can never live without you. You're my soul mate.' Never live without me? But I – And, I, I, just…

"No." I say quietly more to myself then louder as I look up at him and shake my head no, "NO." I then took steps back as he mimicked them before I turned around and rant o my car, fumbling for my keys before pulling them out. I got to my car on the driver's side and opened it but a large hand slammed it back. I let out a small yelp and felt his hot breath on my neck.

"Don't leave." He said sounding hurt and desperate.

"This can't, I can't – My god, is this so screwed up." I say. "I need to go, I need to leave."

"No don't."

It turn from my car so I'm facing him, his face only inches away from mine when he starts to lean in ever so slightly until…

"NO!" I say loudly and attempt to push him away which doesn't work so instead I duck under his arm, taking five steps back. "No. You should never have met me and I should have never come because this, whatever this is will NEVER WORK! I AM GOING TO BE GONE FOR GODS SAKE! I can't I can't…"

I trail off as a large migraine forms and the door to Emily's behind me opens and closes. I feel arms go around me and I know them to be Carly's.

"Calm down Serena, I know" – She started before I cut her off.

"No, you don't! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?"

"This could be a good thing." She reasoned.

"No, it can't. How could you..? How…" I trailed off as the emotions came too much and tears poured down my face. Both Carly and Paul reached out for me but I took a step back. "I'm fucking dying, no I'm going to die and now, now…"

I looked up to see Paul's face which was something I never see again, he looked defeated. I walked slowly away from Carly and towards Paul but me only looked into his eyes before turning to my car and getting in. I got out of the gravely driveway and turned onto the road, not sure if I'd ever return.

I stare up at the white washed ceiling with a sense of dread as new tears wash over the already dried ones. I hold back a sob, then a hiccup and finally the release of more of these horrible reminders of pain and heartache. My head is throbbing, a whole new kind of torture and pain that I have no energy to even think of. What I want is to clutch my head and curl up in a ball in agony but I can't. I want to reach out to the water on the small table beside my bed and gulp it down greedily to take away my raspy throat. I want so desperately to do something, anything, but I can't.

Yell, scream, anything but it's like I'm stuck in the silence until death steals me away. I want to call out, yell his name over and over again until he answers, crawling over to my bedside. I want to hold him and say, 'sorry', and tell him I was wrong to act the way I did. I just want to scream out, 'I love you, I love you' and I want to go back, back to the way things were before, forever.

I want to wait forever for him and I want, I need the strength to hold on from him and from myself. But I feel it slip away, more and more, and this pain is everywhere. My heart, my soul, my mind, and my body. An ache everywhere for his burning touch, a pain from the death inside me that thrives and is ready, about to take me, and finally the agony of…

"Serena." I hear from the depths and shadows of mind. I hear that voice everywhere, calling my name and I hear it again but closer. It can't be though, can it?

I struggled to open eyes and when I do, they lock onto his chocolate brown ones. I would smile, I would hug him, and I would do anything if I could. His face is so heartbroken with dark circles under his eyes and hair askew. I want to reach out to him and say, 'Where have you been jackass? Because I, I've been dying.' I can't though and only watch as he strokes my cheek with his burning hand. All I want is for him to hold me and make the pain go away. I just want it to stop, I just want it to be over.

Tears fall from my eyes as I try desperately to move my mouth and whether it was his touch that strengthened me or not, I was able to say two things. 'Hold me.'

And he did. He held me for the rest of the night, and well into the dawn. He never let go, even when I did…


	8. Bonus Chapter

**I don't own anything but my plot and OC's.**

* * *

**Bonus Chapter**

I was a little surprised at the request to babysit Emily's niece, Claire, for a few hours one night but I accepted anyways. I'm not the best with kids, and it was always Carly who looked after them while I stayed as far away as I could but I figured I could make an exception tonight. Besides, Carly was the one who recommended me which means something in a way, considering just the other night we talked about kids and how I did maybe want some or at the very least not be scared to be around them anymore. The other reason I made an exception was that there was no one else, they were all busy apparently and Carly wanted to give Emily and Sam a night to themselves which I could agree on since Emily I've noticed does a lot for everyone. So I accepted and made my way to the familiar, homey house.

When I got there, Sam and Emily were just about ready to leave and I also found out that Quil and Paul left only a minute or two ago. I went and said hello to Claire who immediately dragged me to the living room so I could play with her and her dollies. This is another reason I don't like to babysit, especially girls, because most girls like to play with dollies, have tea parties and such while I am not most girls and hate that kind of thing with a passion. I am a tom boy, always have been and always will be. I'd rather be outside passing a football around, or even wrestling around then be inside, having tea parties. So I decided for my sake and hers that we could just watch a movie. I was about to present this idea to her when Emily and Sam came back down to say their goodbyes.

After leaving about a dozen numbers for us I asked Claire if she wanted to watch a movie and she said, 'Ofay.' I couldn't help but let a small smile slip as we went over to Sam and Emily's DVD collection. Just my luck because 'Cinderella' was just one such DVD and the exact one she picked out to watch. It was time for drastic measures that I promised myself I would only reserve for these desperate times and now was one of them.

I led Claire into the kitchen, searched around for a bit until I found some and it was the strong stuff too. Picking up Claire and putting her on the cupboard, I fished a cup out of the cupboard and poured the glass right full. I handed it to Claire and told her to drink it really fast, and drink it really fast she did.

Half an hour later we were in the living room with music blasting louder than I thought possible on those dinosaur speakers. We were dancing, and we were laughing, and over all having the best time I and maybe even her has had in a long time. I'm not sure how long we were dancing for but after a while the CD ended and upon turning around without even noticing, Paul and Quil were standing in the doorway of the living room. Both with a look of absolute adoration on their faces, only Quil was looking at Claire and Paul at me.

I blinked and watched as Claire ran up to Quil who scooped her up into his arms, holding her close. Her body relaxed and soon she was fast asleep in her arms. Quil took her upstairs, probably to bed as Paul took a step closer to me.

"So, found the hidden soda, huh?" He asked with a knowing smirk.

"Maybe." I answered smiling, my mood still as light as ever.

I walked over to the CD player and pulled out a CD from the medium sized cardboard box full of CD's. I placed it into the player and soon James Blunt's, 'Goodbye Lover' was playing softly in the background as I had turned it down, yet it was as loud as ever.

"Want to dance?" I asked holding out my hand, still on a high from earlier.

His smile got wider, and he answered by placing his hard but soft larger hand in mine. He spun me around before bringing me closer, until my head was on his shoulder, and his on mine. I worried about nothing and I felt alive, rather than half dead as I have felt for a long time now. I felt a new feeling rise within me and it was wonderful.

I felt content.


End file.
